why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
