Im at strip club and am horny
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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