im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize