So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
