I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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