WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
