I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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