Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
