you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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