can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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