Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
