Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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