Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
