just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
