i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
