He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
