I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
