He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
did i walk over a car last night?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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