You're completely useless in the revolution.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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