It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
