I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
