I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
