plz talk dirty to me
Do you still have your period?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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