Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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