So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
