I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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