I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
