The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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