you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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