I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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