Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
