like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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