He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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