I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
