In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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