if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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