I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
