meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
