hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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