I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
