I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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