Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
