I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
