Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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