I think my fart just growled at me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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