Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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