The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
