Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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