As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
