Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
